Ladies, here’s the man manual

Yesterday, I came across this really exotic article on the Crazy Monday on the standard. A female writer wants a man manual; she laments that Kenyan men just have no clue how to relate with women and as such feels a manual on how to deal with them is of paramount urgency.

In a nutshell, these are the issues that she raised. Men…

1. Don’t listen, never pay attention even when looking at you.
2. Have commitment phobia
3. Are clueless toward the needs of a woman; they never listen
4. Need to lose the boys club
5. Are lazy, the come home from work to sit and laze around
6. Are too addicted to sports (watched and played, I guess)

Here is the manual. I will try to respond to these issues, as a man, as candidly as I can.

1. One good Jane indicated that while men have a daily dosage of 3000 words, women have up to 10000 words. This means that at any given day, your average woman will talk thrice as much as her man, and be left with loose change to throw over to the neighbors. This same concept applies to listening. We can only take in 3000 words. Anything after that is blah-blah. Try to summarize, you should be fine.

2. I will be short on this. Try to get your man to the altar as fast as you can or bring babies in every sentence you utter and automatic reverse gear sets in. We do not fear to commit. Only at the right time do we do it. Until then, don’t push it.

3. Clueless? Well, tell you what. If you have a man in your house, try the other thing other than hints. They just don’t work. Do not expect to read something in your every eyeball movement or lifted finger. Just come straight, and we shall bring the milk home and on time.

4. The boys are very important. One, we have the same daily word count. Two, we mostly like to have a cold one. Three, when you kick us out of our own house, to whom do you expect us to go? So, uh-uh, they are not going anywhere, as long as bounds are laid bare.

5. Lazy…listen. When a winner wins, he takes time to enjoy and rest. When a breadwinner wins the daily bread, please let him enjoy it. Oh, plus some tea and remote control. Thank you.

6. We are not addicted to sports, just the right balance. Wait a min, aren’t you the ones complaining about our bulging food bags and sagging triceps. Formula One is a good motivator, soccer even better. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a step, and the journey to fitness begins with watching fit players. And it is all for you, mark you.

Any more questions?